Thursday, February 23, 2012

Running Diary of the Republican Debate

Many of you want to be informed about the upcoming election and the candidates but don’t feel like sitting through two painful hours of debating. Well today is your lucky day! I have compiled a running diary of the February 22 Republican Presidential Debate for your convenience and entertainment, enjoy.

One of these men could be President!
8:00- We are looking live at the Mesa Arts Center in Mesa, Arizona. The crowd in attendance appears surprisingly diverse. There appear to be an equal number of Tea Partiers, One-Percenters, Bible Thumpers, Nascar Fans, and Klansman in the audience.
I am sitting here with a pen, a notebook, and a remote control to check the Bruins score. I’m not sure how my emotions will fare so I am accompanied by a flask of vodka, a bottle of Tums, and some prescription Xanax just to be safe. Let the show begin.

8:03- The candidates are introduced. Amazingly they are all wearing the same suit. I think this would be a lot more exciting if this was done WWE style. Each candidate could have his own entrance music, complete with pyrotechnics. They could strut on stage, grab the mike, and taunt their opponents. Either that or NBA style, the announcer could draw out there names screaming. “At 6 foot 2 from Bloomfield Hills, Michigan…MIIIIIITTTTT RRROMMMMMMMNNNNNEEEEEYYYYYY!!!!” Then he could chest bump someone on stage.

8:07- Candidates make their opening remarks. Romney mentions his time in the business world and his job with the Salt Lake City Olympics. I have a feeling this will not be the last time he mentions this.

8:08- Our first question from the audience, provided by some guy named Gilbert who resides in the town of “Gilbert”. He is wearing a shirt that resembles the American Flag. Perfect. I would guess he also is wearing a belt with a snake on it that says “Don’t Tread On Me”

8:11- Rick Santorum mentions welfare reform and repealing No Child Left Behind. I am tempted to turn off the TV and start campaigning for Santorum immediately. But the blog would suffer, so I carry on.

8:17- After sitting quietly for fourteen minutes, Ron Paul speaks. I am not paying attention to him because I cannot get past the fact that he looks like a Muppet.

8:25- Newt Gingrich mentions “Class Warfare” enabling me to mark if off on my Buzzword Bingo card.

8:30- I am convinced that Romney is wearing a t-shirt that says, “I am the 1%”

8:38- Romney explains that he was for bank bailouts but that the auto industry should have gone through a managed bankruptcy, because wealthy bankers are his friends and the auto workers are low-life greedy union peasants, or something like that.

"I am the 1%!"
8:41- Romney is getting a little too excited to mention “managed bankruptcy”. He’s thinking, “Wow, I get to fire people and make a lot of money”

8:46- The candidates all mount their moral high horses as the conversation turns to birth control.

8:49- Mitt mentions how children are better off being raised by two parent households with a father and a mother as opposed to a single parent household. I wonder if the two parent household was filled with drugs, abuse and violence would that still be better than a single parent who does his or her best and sacrifices for their child? Mitt? Mitt?

9:04- I am officially dizzy from all the spinning going on.

9:07- Newt wants to build not one but two 30 foot fences at the Mexican border.  But what about the “other” border? To keep unwanted Canadians out of our country I suggest placing televisions showing “Hockey Night in Canada” at every possible entry point in the northern United States. That should keep them out.

9:30- Romney states that if Obama is re-elected, the U.S. will be nuked by Iran, or something to that effect.

9:40- Candidates asked about Education Reform and NCLB. Here we go. The audience member who asks the question was identified as a teacher, where all the other audience members who asked questions were not identified by profession. Read into that what you will.

9:41- This portion of the debate brought to you by Charter Schools and the Privatization of Education.

9:43- I give Romney one minute before he attacks teachers unions.

9:45- Okay. I was wrong. Two minutes.

9:48- Ron Paul, “no authority for the Federal Government to be involved in Education”. I always liked Muppets.

9:53- Did you know that Romney worked in Business and the Salt Lake City Olympic Games? Really?

9:57- King concludes. So in very brief summary. Rick Santorum made some sense to me, but there was an early bias in his early comments. Mitt Romney came off an arrogant one-percenter. Ron Paul is a very intelligent Muppet, and I’m not even sure Newt Gingrich was even present at the debate. There you go America. Happy voting.

Monday, February 20, 2012


Just another Harvard Economics Grad
Unless you have been living under a rock for the past month, you must know all about Jeremy Lin of the New York Knicks. Lin has taken the NBA and New York by storm and has become all the rage in today’s society. Let me lend some insight as to why Lin has been such a sensation for putting up pedestrian NBA numbers. But don’t get me wrong, I love the guy and I will make the argument for him.

Lin averages about 14 points per game, good for third on the Knicks. He leads the team in assists, and is third in steals. The Knicks are also the rage around the NBA, although as of Monday February 20 they have the same record as the Boston Celtics, whose season is looked upon as a colossal failure. The theory behind Lin’s popularity is simple, he’s different, and not just his ethnicity, but his entire package. Also, let’s be honest here, if Lin played for the Indiana Pacers or the Portland Trailblazers, nobody would know who the hell he is or much less care. But, alas, he plays in New York.

This is what David Stern's NBA looks like
Lin is of Taiwanese descent. He played high school basketball in California, and was offered no scholarships. So he went to Harvard, where at least he was promised a spot on the basketball team. Brown also made the same promise. (Note: Ivy League schools do not offer traditional athletic scholarships) After a successful career at Harvard, Lin went undrafted (of course). I mean Lin could shoot, handle the ball, played four years of college basketball and graduated with a degree in Economics. What NBA team would want that guy when they could spend draft picks on college “one-and-done” players who haven’t developed their skills yet or foreign players who may never play in the NBA? He signed with Golden State, where he played in 29 games scoring a whopping 76 points. After being released and playing in the NBA Developmental League, Lin found his way to the Knicks and the rest is history.
Posterizing > Basketball Skills

As big of a sports fan as I am, I can barely tolerate the NBA. To me it is a league full of selfish, arrogant, me-first, in-your-face thugs. It’s almost like there is a decree from commissioner David Stern that all NBA players must meet some of the following criteria: played one year in college, have multiple tattoos, a criminal record, multiple children with different mothers, change their name the things like “Metta World Peace”, have one hour specials to announce where they will play, have pep rallies to celebrate their future not one, not two, not three, not four championship that they will never win, pose after every made shot, or marry a Kardashian. The NBA wants rap sheets and rap stars, not Economics Degrees. They want graduates from the School of Hard Knocks, not Harvard. They want guys who drive to the basket, dunk over someone, then beat pound their chest in celebration, not some guy hitting jump shots. Sometimes I think David Stern loves this NBA mentality, I hope I am wrong. So there’s Jeremy Lin, none of the above.
A party to celebrate...nothing

I think that the fad will fade, and Lin will quietly slip into the background. He will have a decent NBA career, but unlike many before him, Lin will use his intelligence and education to save and invest the money he makes as an NBA player. When his career is done, he will get a real job and be successful in whatever he chooses. Enjoy your 15 minutes Jeremy, you have earned it. I’ll be rooting for you. Hopefully the NBA will be too.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

I Am Going To Pray For Jessica

As the furor over the Cranston West High School banner situation finally begins to fade, I have done a lot of thinking over the reaction to both the decision and the reaction to the young Cranston girl in the middle of all the controversy. In this space a couple of weeks ago, I really showed my frustration with the situation, and was pretty tough on the young girl in the middle of the controversy. I have decided that tonight I am going to do the one thing that she really might not want me to do. But I am going to do it anyway. Tonight I am going to say a prayer for her. I am not going to do this out of spite, because she is a person who does not believe in God, but because I think she needs it.

She is a young girl with no faith and no religion. I cannot understand how a person goes through life like this. When things are not going well, what does she do? In difficult times, where does she find her strength? So I will pray the she will someday find faith, that she will find religion of some kind, whether or not she agrees with my beliefs. Isn’t this the Christian thing to do? Is it not right to try to help a young person who is in need of direction with our prayers? So tonight this is what I plan to do. Pray for Jessica.

I will pray that her cause was sincere, that she was not manipulated by her parents or other relatives, and this was not a publicity stunt.

I will pray that she can go to school and feel safe and not threatened or harassed.

I will pray that she will use her ambition to do something great in life, to fight for a cause that helps a great amount of people as opposed to just a small minority.

I will pray that she finds faith.

I will pray the she learns tolerance, that people be tolerant of and respect her beliefs, and maybe even more importantly she be tolerant of and respect the beliefs of others.

I will pray that I am correct about all of the above. If I am not, then I will still pray, because this is how I was raised.  God Bless You Jessica, even if you don’t want it.